The Language of Pain & The Language of Light

When does pain become suffering? At what juncture does it transcend time and space to become its own profound language?

 

In 2019, during my extended hospitalization for Guillain-Barré Syndrome, an autoimmune condition that attacks the peripheral nervous system, I found myself wrestling with these same questions. The pain was relentless, starting in my lower legs and climbing into my chest. It felt like I was encased in some cruel torture machine. The pain was excruciating and continuous; there was no ebb and flow, and nothing worked to ease it. Not even morphine. I remember thinking: this is what suffering feels like.

Finally I asked for palliative care. As a Reiki practitioner for Hospice and long time meditator, I knew enough about Reiki energy, meditation, and body work to know there was more to palliative care than as an end-of-life service. I was sent over an entire team to help me. I called a friend who was a hypnotherapist. I also asked for a priest, who would become my friend over the next month, and gifted me a beautiful hand-carved Rosary.

I remember one of my roommates saying, “How are you getting all these people to help you?”

I said, “I knew who to ask.”

The experience underscored a profound truth for me: in prayer, as in life, we instinctively know Who to ask for help. Yet, the answers to our prayers, our pleas for relief from suffering, may not always be immediate or apparent. It’s easy to sink into despair, especially when there appears to be no way out of the suffering. You’re too deep inside of it. And no one else can live there with you; you're all alone.

Well, not really.

I was preparing myself to die. And then a voice in me said, “Nope, Jack, not yet.” And the team came around, and the priest came around, and I was given immunoglobulin therapy, and at night I’d pray the Rosary, focusing on the words and using my breath. And I’d listen to music on my phone, trying to shut out the incessant beeping and moaning (were they mine?), letting the sounds loop like mantra. My favorite was Neil Diamond’s soundtrack, “Jonathan Livingston Seagull.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a Jesuit priest and paleontologist, said there is an energy in suffering that can be transmuted. An energy of pure potential that can become “an ascensional force.”

Think about that. The energy of suffering can be directed toward ascension. Wow. Why, as a Christian, does that blow my mind so?

And yet, I feel like that is exactly what happened to me. The more I prayed, hoped, and engaged with God, and the more I collaborated with my caregivers, the more uplifted I felt.

This idea is not so foreign to those who are energy workers. We know that what we call dis-ease— anxiety, illness, pain—is, at its most basic constitution, energy needing to be dispersed, renewed, or equalized. It’s not this “woo-woo” far-out metaphysical philosophy. It’s a “what-what.” What is this at its most basic level? What am I experiencing? And what can I do—what can I release—to bring me back to homeostasis, to my natural state of being?

The only way to get there is practice. We don’t know what we don’t know. And so we need to find the tools—and the language—to help us. Find our support people and our practices. And find that Inner Source that leads us to peace.

• In Kundalini yoga, we use breath work, postures, mantras, and prayer to pressurize the body, and redistribute and repurpose excess energy, replenishing it where it is weak. Kundalini strengthens and balances our systems, including the parasympathetic nervous system—that Vagus nerve you hear about— and returns us to our inherent state of peace.

• Reiki (pronounced Ray-Key) functions similarly, channeling universal energy as a conduit for healing, and clearing blockages. Again I’m talking physics. When we keep breaking down what we are—from flesh, to systems, to cells, to atoms, to—you know what I’m saying— we find out what we are not. Not density, but light. Reiki is Light. Universal Love. It’s a practice of gentle touch and energy transfer that helps in harmonizing the body's energy fields. Patients have reported benefits such as relaxation, stress reduction, pain relief, and a greater sense of well-being. I have been that patient.

• Another powerful healing modality is generative or automatic writing. When approached from a “somatic” and “felt sense” perspective, it offers another path to wellness. Writing allows us to process and articulate our experiences, transforming pain into a narrative of resilience and growth and giving voice to our inner world. The body-mind, when allowed to freely explore itself, also becomes that conduit for healing.

• And, not least (actually my first choice)— Contemplative Prayer invites us into a deep, meditative dialogue with the Divine, fostering a sense of connection and peace even amidst turmoil. When in such pain, focusing on just a word—your word for God, for instance—can open up spaces of relief. But you need to practice. 

This is not cherry picking. I’m not picking different modalities throwing them up in the air and seeing what works. This is about a full embodied response—a dialogue, really, between You, Your Body, and the Universe. And you can either shut it down and attempt to control that communication—even dissociate from it— or allow yourself to be open to the Infinite Source of Love and Light that is your right. Your Love.

Breathwork, Yoga, Reiki, Writing, Prayer. They were not just my tools when I was sick, but part of my language, and recognized and supported by people who cared about me, and who were invested in my healing. I can’t thank them enough.

Reflecting on these experiences, I invite you to ponder your own encounters with pain and suffering. How did you navigate through it? What were your tools, your Words? Who stood beside you in those moments? And what would you say to someone in “It” right now? How would you guide someone from the Language of Pain to the Language of Light?

I’m listening.

Love,

Jackie

Want to know more about Reiki? Join RAWR, my free distance healing circle. Click here for more information or email me for more information.